Perfectionism isn’t just a drive for excellence; it’s an all-encompassing desire for unattainable perfection. We either chase this ideal or sabotage our chances of reaching it. For many highly sensitive high achievers, this relentless pursuit often leads to burnout.
One of the biggest problems with perfectionism is that it’s celebrated in our culture that glorifies success and achievement. Good enough can be seen as “lazy” or like you’re giving up.
However, beneath this polished exterior lies a complex web of challenges, including self-loathing and, notably, burnout. Moreover, there is an intricate relationship between perfectionism and burnout. Therefore, let’s explore its nuances, causes, and implications in detail.
The Two Faces of Perfectionism: Overt and Covert
Perfectionism, contrary to popular belief, isn’t a one-size-fits-all trait. It manifests in two distinct forms: overt and covert.
Overt perfectionism is the more visible type, marked by high standards and a relentless drive for flawlessness. Individuals with overt perfectionism often set unrealistic goals, and while they sometimes achieve them, the pressure remains intense. Individuals with overt perfectionism are often outwardly critical of themselves and others, striving for external validation and approval.
Then there’s Covert Perfectionism. On the surface, covert perfectionism may appear less intense, but its effects can be equally damaging. It involves internal pressure, self-doubt, and a fear of failure. Those with covert perfectionism may avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities for fear of falling short of their own standards or external expectations.
While overt perfectionism is readily apparent, covert perfectionism can be insidious. It often quietly undermines one’s well-being from within or manifests in more subtle ways.
Covert perfectionism is the kind of perfectionism that I do more work one-on-one with people and it’s one that I know all too well myself. It’s the kind of perfectionism that leads to habits like procrastiplanning where I’m stuck planning things out as far in advance as conceivable possible, thinking through every possible scenario and even some of the less likely or impossible ones, or sometimes even disorganization and messiness.
How Upbringing Fuels Perfectionistic Tendencies
Understanding why someone becomes a perfectionist is crucial to unraveling its grip. Several factors contribute to the development of perfectionistic tendencies:
Upbringing and Environment:
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- High Expectations from Parents: Growing up in an environment where parents have exceedingly high expectations can foster perfectionistic tendencies. Constant pressure to excel academically, athletically, or socially can instill a belief that one must always strive for perfection to gain approval and validation.
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- Praise for Achievement: Children who receive praise primarily for their achievements rather than their efforts or qualities may internalize the message that success is contingent upon perfection. This emphasis on outcomes over process can fuel a relentless drive for perfectionism.
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- Comparison to Siblings or Peers: Comparisons to siblings or peers who excel in certain areas can create a competitive atmosphere where perfection is seen as the benchmark for success. Constantly measuring oneself against others’ achievements can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and the need to constantly prove oneself.
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- Overemphasis on Performance: Environments that place excessive value on performance over personal growth and well-being can fuel perfectionism. Whether in academic, professional, or extracurricular settings, the relentless pursuit of excellence at the expense of self-care can reinforce perfectionistic beliefs and behaviors.
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- Fear of Disappointing Others: Children who grow up feeling responsible for others’ happiness or success may develop perfectionistic tendencies as a means of avoiding disappointment or disapproval from parents, teachers, or peers. The fear of letting others down can drive them to strive for perfection in all aspects of their lives.
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- Lack of Emotional Support: Environments where emotional support and validation are lacking may push individuals to seek validation through external achievements. Without a strong support system to provide reassurance and encouragement, perfectionism can become a coping mechanism for dealing with feelings of insecurity or inadequacy.
The Complex Nature of Perfectionism
These are just a few examples of how upbringing and environmental factors can contribute to the development of perfectionism. It’s important to recognize that perfectionism is multifaceted and can stem from a combination of genetic predispositions, external influences, and personality traits.
Personality Traits That Amplify Perfectionism
Several personality traits are associated with the development or amplification of perfectionism. While these traits can vary in intensity from person to person, they often contribute to the perfectionist mindset in different ways. Here are some key personality traits:
Upbringing and Environment
Highly Sensitive and Empathetic:
Highly sensitive and empathetic individuals tend to be organized, diligent, and detail-oriented. While these qualities can be beneficial, they may also contribute to perfectionism when taken to extremes. For instance, perfectionists with high levels of empathy often set excessively high standards for themselves and find it difficult to accept anything less than perfection. Additionally, because they feel others’ disappointment deeply, they have a strong desire to please people and gain acceptance. This drive can lead them to pursue perfection as a way to seek validation and affirmation from external sources. external sources.
Overthinking:
Overthinking is characterized by tendencies towards anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional instability. Perfectionists that are excellent overthinkers may be particularly prone to negative self-evaluation and fear of failure. Their heightened sensitivity to criticism and tendency to ruminate on mistakes can exacerbate perfectionistic tendencies.
Rigid Thinking:
Perfectionists often exhibit rigid thinking or all-or-nothing thinking patterns, characterized by seeing things in a binary black-and-white situation and struggle with the ability to tolerate ambiguity or uncertainty. This rigidity can manifest in strict adherence to self-imposed rules or standards, making it difficult for perfectionists to adapt to changing circumstances or accept imperfections.
Being a High Achiever:
A strong orientation towards achievement and success can fuel perfectionistic tendencies. Perfectionists may equate their self-worth with their accomplishments and set unrealistically high goals for themselves. The pursuit of excellence becomes a driving force in their lives, often at the expense of their well-being.
Fear of Failure:
Perfectionists frequently harbor a deep-seated fear of failure and rejection. This fear can be a powerful motivator, driving them to strive for that vision of perfect as a means of avoiding criticism, disappointment, or disapproval from others.
Low Self-Compassion:
Perfectionism is often accompanied by a lack of self-compassion and self-acceptance. Perfectionists may be overly critical of themselves, holding themselves to impossibly high standards and berating themselves for even minor mistakes or shortcomings.
The Spectrum of Perfectionism
It’s important to note that these personality traits exist on a spectrum, meaning not everyone who exhibits them will develop perfectionistic tendencies. Additionally, the influence of these traits can vary depending on the situation. Recognizing and understanding these personality traits and how they play out in different scenarios in your life can be a crucial step in addressing and overcoming perfectionism. I tell my clients this phrase all the time – awareness is the first step. We have to know what we’re working with in order to reprogram the self-sabotage belief patterns.
Cultural Expectations:
Finally, cultural norms and societal expectations can also influence the development of perfectionistic tendencies. In cultures that prioritize achievement and success, individuals may feel pressure to meet unattainable standards set by their society, family, or community.
The Perpetuation of Perfectionism
Once perfectionistic beliefs are established and reinforced, they can be difficult to overcome. Despite their negative impact, many people remain trapped by perfectionism for several reasons:
Fear of Failure: Perfectionists often equate mistakes with personal failure, leading to a pervasive fear of falling short. This fear can drive them to push themselves relentlessly, unable to accept anything less than perfection.
External Validation: The pursuit of perfection is often fueled by a desire for external validation and approval. Perfectionists may derive their sense of self-worth from achievements and accolades, perpetuating a cycle of validation-seeking behavior.
Identity: For some, perfectionism becomes intertwined with their identity. It becomes not just a behavior but a core aspect of who they are, making it difficult to let go of those perfectionistic tendencies.
The Perils of Perfectionism: A Path to Burnout
While the quest for perfection may seem noble, its toll on mental health cannot be overstated. Perfectionism is a significant risk factor for burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion often accompanied by feelings of cynicism and reduced professional efficacy.
Perfectionists are prone to overextending themselves, constantly striving to meet unrealistic standards. This relentless pursuit of perfection can drain their energy and leave them feeling exhausted and depleted.
The fear of failure and judgment can lead perfectionists to withdraw from social interactions and support networks. They may isolate themselves out of fear of being seen as imperfect, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness and alienation.
Perfectionism takes a toll on mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, and other psychological issues. The constant pressure to excel can erode self-esteem and rob individuals of their sense of joy and fulfillment.
Embracing Imperfection: A Call to Action
The journey to overcoming perfectionism begins with self-awareness and acceptance. Recognizing the signs of perfectionism and its impact on well-being is the first step toward change. It’s essential to challenge the belief that perfection equals worth and to cultivate self-compassion and resilience – which is the primary focus of the Creating Calm app.
As part of this journey, I invite you to take our free burnout risk assessment quiz. By gaining insight into your own risk factors for burnout, you can take proactive steps to prioritize self-care and well-being. Remember, perfection is an illusion, and true fulfillment lies in embracing our imperfections and finding beauty in our humanity.
I want to leave you with this: Although perfectionism may promise success, its pursuit often leads to burnout and dissatisfaction. By acknowledging the two faces of perfectionism, understanding its roots, and challenging its grip, we can reclaim our lives and redefine success on our own terms.
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